Internal Expressions

A thousand times I have failed, still your mercy remains, Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Should I stumble again, I am caught in your grace,
Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades,
Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame……

Lord I sit, with many thoughts beyond comprehension

Do I describe them to you or run away, never to mention,

The victory inside, the freedom within

Yet at times chained down, by the ever present sin

Fallen world, sinful life,

Moments with you Jesus, seeming perfect in your sight.

Is it possible to feel any other way?

Rejected, fearful, overwhelmed, with no words to say

Frozen and scared, tears swell from my eyes,

Scared to move forward, over-thinking the lies

Of a past that signifies separation and distance

Yet moving so fast, never stopping to listen.

Hounded by thoughts of people from before,

Who paved the way, and also walked through the doors

Open doors, or doors boarded closed

As humans we take pride, often disregarding the woes.

Those cries of experience, and those life lessons

The cuts the bruises the hurts of repentance

Knowing the rights, and doing the wrongs,

I sometimes sit still, and avoid every song.

Words to encourage, and power to overcome,

I stop, take a listen, and write about what has been done.

Here I sit, I continue to write,

I look up above, to a God perfect in every right.

Am I worthy?  I ask, then I turn to the others,

I repeat the question to my sisters and brothers

I am uncertain at times of their faith in me,

But thankful for Jesus who dusted off my feet.

I see the fear, I have lived in it before,

I shake, I stutter, I walk through uncertain doors.

Guided by others, and the power within,

The Holy Spirit burns, to desecrate my sin

The whispers in the silence, that penetrate the night

Brings peace to the waters, of this sinful man’s life.

Do I second guess it, yes, sometimes too often.

I bury His presence, I nail it shut in a coffin,

In a casket of darkness, I remove all hope

A funeral for the dead, I’m only left to cope

To count what is lost, and abandoned my rights

What would it look like, to never again think twice?

In regards to the spirit, I know I have heard him speak

I second guess, I stop, begin to over-think.

I trust the Lord, or at least I say I do,

He has empowered me and asked me to be used

I often think, I am not worthy, it cannot be me.

What would it look like, to live a life set free?

I talk, I pray, I read, write and sing,

Only to bring honor to the death defying King

The author who came, saw my sin and shame,

Took on my sin, removed the blame.

A perfect plan, one that was far out of reach

Be still, be silence, at times let the Holy Spirit speak.

…….. ………

God I look to you for strength,

I think about my life, my many mistakes

I read your words, I dive into your love

You call to me, “My Child, Rise Above”

You o Lord are the peace within

You made a way to eradicate sin

I read your words, your stories of old,

I am thank for the visions, forever told

Your love I read, feel and see,

How can you love a wretch like me?

Perfect love casts out fear?

Do I really believe it, is your love really near.

Many times I know I have abused your love

God help me see, what your love does.

God, not my strength, but only yours

Help me Lord, fight the worldly wars.

The battles within that rage in my heart.

Strengthen me father, consume every part.

God I do not know, what other people see

Sometimes I question, even my thoughts to thee.

Am I questioning my thoughts, or those around me?

To understand your work, the victory in my life

Often muffled by those who always think twice.

Help me to not go my own way

Keep me firm, let me hear what you say.

Grace abounds to those who need it

Help me Lord, open my eyes so I can see it

Your perfect love, casts out all fear

Shown by the beating, your blood, and your tears.

The crown of thorns, the nails in your hands

A life taken willingly, that completed His plan

Help me to see, hold on to that truth,

Love those around me, and forever cry to you

Not by man, my experience, or by reason.

Guided by your Spirit in every season.

Words on a page and thoughts from within

Impressed by your spirit that has forever conquered sin.

A forever walk, years upon years

Never forgetting perfect love casts out all fears

Overcame

So i spent some time writing and thought i would share it. If it in someway speaks to you please comment. I would love to hear feed back. My prayer is always that my writing would impact not only my life but those whom I share it with. It has been a while since I have shared or written anything. So praise God for working through me to remind me of the reality of the cross and His constant pursuit. Enjoy. For all you first timers, read it like its yours!

Titled: Overcame July 8 2012

Here I am sitting, pacing,
Wondering which steps I should be taking
I can feel the beat of my heart through my shirt
I stop and think, it could only get worse
Hands shaking, sweat pours from my head
Decisions to be made, nothing being said.
I freeze for a moment, not knowing whats next
To pour out my heart, let nothing be left.
Do all I can, stand tall, be brave,
Never ending songs, forever to be praised
No matter the moments, the struggles or tears
Life keeps going, throughout the rest of your years
Mountains and valleys, disasters and wrong turns.
Its not in vain, think about what you have learned.
We run, we run, day in and day out
The routine then changes and in comes doubt
Fear creeps in, shuts the door of belief
Momentary victory, for the already beaten thief
The one who comes in to steal those truths
Reality kicks in, hearts skip a beat
Thoughts overwhelm, the truth we faith to keep
Step by step we fall and we fade
Like a burned up house, charred and grayed.
Empty within, security stolen quickly
Now comes the moment, reminder of the victory.
He stepped into the scene and forgives the wrongs
We must keep him close, and sing His songs
Lord of Glory, Lord of Light
Giving us peace, and showing us light
Wanting not just those moments, a much higher call
Lord not just of the small, but the Lord of all.
Ever present always interceding
Peace swoops in, and my heart keeps beating
At times defeated by Father of lies,
Yet confident of this, God’s by my side
Called and gifted, and pursued in love,
Patient in storms, then rise above
Take step one, then step two, step 10000 more,
Each step of the way, give thanks to the Lord.
He called you, He called me, He gave us His son
A man name Jesus, remember what He has done.
Hold on to the truth, the identity given,
Sealed with a promise, and forever forgiven.

Focus

OUT OF FOCUS?

Do you wear glasses? When is the last time you had your eyes checked? Are you near/far sighted? Vision is one of the most important things we have. God has given us the ability to see. Some are blessed with 20/20 others are left with glasses or contacts. Without our eyes being in some shape, we are not capable of seeing straight.

Many things blur our vision. Age, substances, lack of sleep, allergies, light, distance and darkness all cause our vision to be altered in some way. By squinting or by stepping back we adjust our eyes to see better. Every day we fight to see things better than those around us. It has become more apparent that some people just have bad vision. Do you have bad vision? Do you know someone that does?

The bible tells us that the things we set our eyes on become what is reflected from us to others. If i stare  at money long enough, i will be selfish and greedy. If I lust over something, i will eventually fail in that area. So what keeps us IN FOCUS? Besides turning our heads to look at something different, how can people go through life, maintaining focus on the things in front of them.

Have you ever been driving and you pass something that catches your eye. You slow down, or turn your head to catch another glimpse of whatever it was that was more important than the road in front of you. This happens to me a lot, and I'm sure it happens to you as well. The irony in those short moments of catching a sight of something attractive can be more than just an out of focus problem. We all do it and think nothing of it. The many times we take our eyes of the road, and put others and our own life on the line for a brief second of joy.

What has gotten you off the road? Has something taken your eyes off of moving forward. I think it is fair to say, we all struggle with this. We are human and sometimes what we want to see and focus in on, takes back stage for what looks attractive and catchy. The problem with that is we put our lives at risk. We blink for a moment and risk everything. Now i know its an extreme example but i have come to see that the more we take our eyes out of focus, the easier it becomes to repeat. So what can we do?

May it is time to fix our eyes on Jesus, and allow Him to bring our vision and sight back into focus.

Foundations

Isn't it amazing to see construction in motion? The work that goes into not only planning a task of building, but the unity and the communication of each individual group or company working together is astonishing. Often times we see time lapse videos of how things are built over time and how long it takes. We marvel at the sped up motions of hundreds of workers putting up walls, concrete, steel beams, and roofs. Details are added last to accent the structure and make it stand out to those who will see it. Sometimes engraving, paint, landscaping, parking lots, lights and anything else the designer or project manager has put in the finished product design is added.

Stadiums, sky scrapers, apartments, homes and businesses all go up in time but before anything is ever done to the, “building up,” often times the existing land has to be cleared. Some things must be taken down, destroyed, scrapped away, and pulled off. In my experience, things have been demolished to allow for space, or new things. It is a fascinating site to see buildings implode for new things to come about. Today, in your state of mind, I ask that you think of the foundations laid out before you, your own structure.

Jesus gives us a story similar to the idea of foundations. Where are “you” grounded? I’m sure we have all heard the parable, “house built on firm foundations stand, and house built on weak foundation crumbles.” The implications to this passage in Mathew chapter 7 are very important when we think about how we are to live our lives. The symbolism of the rock, a safe place, firm and not shaky, gives us confidence to know that when things happen, the rock is strong enough to not crumble. However, sand is not as strong. If you have been to the beach, let me tell you something, sand is not very easy to build on. Water normally washes whatever attempt to build away because grains of sand are easily broken apart.

Another thing that comes to mind when thinking of foundations is Jesus. All buildings have a “cornerstone” that sets it all in place. It is the most important piece. Christ is the place and foundation of which everything else comes from. Paul gives us a look into the supremacy of Christ in Colossians 1. That, “in him, all things hold together, and everything was created through him and for him.” As foundations around us are torn down and raised up, we can see that in order for things to be built, most things also have to be excavated. This example holds true, in just about every case. In order to build up, you must tear down and clear out the rubble. Construction does not and cannot happen, if the place where the contractors want to build is already occupied by other buildings or debris. They must dig down deep, and remove any possibilities of a faulty foundation to ensure the safety of the structure.

Jesus too, was a foundation on Earth and remains the stronghold of those who believe in him. The destroyed connection of God and Man needed a foundation overhaul. It is important to remember, Jesus was not a second construction. He was always part of the original design. Jesus was not only the paver of the road to God; he was beaten, slashed, mocked, and for all purposes, dug into by the sins of this world. He hung on a cross to clear the foundation for us. So that IN HIM, we find new life. Without a tilled, excavated piece of land, no one can build on it. Jesus is the foundation for us.

So what are your foundations? Do you trust God with the foundation he has excavated for you? Jesus death was not in vain. It had a purpose. God had a plan. That in the demolition of one man, all would be free. This solid ground we now stand on for those who are in the Lambs book of Life, it’s as if God himself took his finger, in the perfectly laid concrete, and wrote your name down.

Where is your foundation today? Is it shaking because some things are eroding? Are you given God the glory he is due, because of Christ work on the cross. The foundation is simple, the concept is hard. It’s a faith walk to trust in a foundation that is merely laid out in a book. Today I tell you, the Bible, a book of plan, design, and story, had the best contractor, who laid the perfect foundation for all who believe in it, to live in security of His name, not a faulty foundation.

Holy pause.

As the day ends and students all over start their Spring Break I simply reflect on God and His glory. We as humans live day to day sometimes missing the awesome work the our father is doing or has done. Make it a point to sit his his presence and see what His work has done. Do you need to repent? Do you need to get back on track? Are you where God wants you to be? Pause and ask God what He wants of you and listen to His voice.

Step into God

Have you ever taken a wrong step? Maybe in a puddle, gum, a ditch, slipped on ice? I think most of us have taken a step into something that we regret. Things happen and sometimes we step into thing that damage us and slow us down. I recall today in my devotion time the story of Jonah. Now we all know the story of Jonah and the Whale(fish). As I reflected on Jonah's choices, to run or be obedient, I must say I had to stop and do some personal reflection as well.

Jonah was a person, just like you an me. 

Now the word of the LORD came to Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, “Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and call out against it, for their evil has come up before me.” But Jonah rose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD. He went down to Joppa and found a ship going to Tarshish. So he paid the fare and went down into it, to go with them to Tarshish, away from the presence of the LORD.

(Jonah 1:1-3 ESV)

Jonah had a choice. Just like you and me. He clearly heard God telling him to do something, and freaked out! Sometimes, the things we do not do, are just as critical as the things we do. Jonah had decided that he did not want to do what God told him to do so he ran. He chose to step onto the boat, and NOT into God's plan. Many problems came from Jonah's decision but that does not stop God from doing what He does best. Protect and Secure!


Unfortunately, there will always be consequences for our actions. Jonah fled a plan God wanted him to fulfill and in this disobedience we see God's re-directive power. God's compassion in this story stems from His pure heart for His people. AS you read Jonah, you will see many things happened because of the actions of single man. It is amazing that God is always in control? Even when the storms come we are still protected. If you look deeper in the heart of God and the story of the story of Jonah we see not only, security in disobedience, we see redirection after a heart of compassion.

Have you ever taken steps onto something to escape. Maybe you are like Jonah, or you moved, fled a situation, backed down from confrontation, or hid because you knew you were wrong? I know i have done all of these things. Its our weakness to trust God that really disables us. Fear creeps in! Lies begin to grow and become louder! Jonah, told those on his boat, that He feared the lord. This fear is different than what Paul discusses and actually refers to being afraid of God. Similar to how things frighten us! Jonah, was tossed over the very boat he climbed onto to escape and God had so much compassion on him, that he still kept him safe.

 And the LORD appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

(Jonah 1:17 ESV)

Moments like that for me are never easy. Its like keeping a secret, it eventually will eat at you from the inside. Jonah's response to a sovereign and compassionate God truly is remarkable. Knowing he failed and fled, he cries out to God,

Then Jonah prayed to the LORD his God from the belly of the fish, saying,

“I called out to the LORD, out of my distress,

and he answered me;

out of the belly of Sheol I cried,

and you heard my voice.

For you cast me into the deep,

into the heart of the seas,

and the flood surrounded me;

all your waves and your billows

passed over me.

Then I said, ‘I am driven away

from your sight;

yet I shall again look

upon your holy temple.’

The waters closed in over me to take my life;

the deep surrounded me;

weeds were wrapped about my head

at the roots of the mountains.

I went down to the land

whose bars closed upon me forever;

yet you brought up my life from the pit,

O LORD my God.

When my life was fainting away,

I remembered the LORD,

and my prayer came to you,

into your holy temple.

Those who pay regard to vain idols

forsake their hope of steadfast love.

But I with the voice of thanksgiving

will sacrifice to you;

what I have vowed I will pay.

Salvation belongs to the LORD!”

And the LORD spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah out upon the dry land.

(Jonah 2 ESV)

Jonah is then led by God, and his own desire to be obedient to Ninevah, to express concern to God's people. I want to remind you all today, as the Lord has reminded me, God never gives up! God never leaves us. I find it fascinating that as Jonah flees, God pursues him still. It is an awesome thing to see, that God's compassion for Jonah, and for the people of Ninevah could not go unnoticed. 

Now I am sure you are wondering about the whole step thing! Well, today my life is reflective of the steps i take, as well as yours is defined by your steps. Steps onto something that we desires, or steps into Gods plan for our lives. Today, I am sure we will all take steps in one direction or the other. How comforting is it, in knowing that even if we take the wrong ones, through fear, selfishness, or just uncertainty, that God will still be working to get us back on track with us stepping to His plan. Our steps are very significant. As Jonah stepped away from God's plan for him, It took not only God to protect him, but ultimately Jonah's surrender to what God wanted of him.

Deep down inside each of us, there is a driving desire pushing us where to go and what to do. A child stealing cookies, a teen staying out too late, a college student partying all night, or even an adult committing adultery are all steps or choices people make. God knows our steps and will do whatever it takes to bring us back into his plan. For us today, it may not be about knowing what His plan or purpose is for us, but to "STEP INTO" only his desires, and not into something that will lead us away from Him. 

 

Sometimes the steps we take WILL leave imprints forever. What do your steps say about you and the direction your going?

Peace in the Storms of Life

Psalm 4:8

English Standard Version (ESV)

⁸ 

In peace I will both lie down and sleep;

    for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.

Wow, What a God we have! One that is willing to do all the hard work for us! Even before the Son of God(Jesus) was hung on the cross for you and I, He had already done amazing things. Ever in need of God to just come in and make everything just go away. As you continue to read, I am convinced that we all struggle with this, YET even in our weakness, I can assure you God does not and will not abandon you! 

When is that last time you felt like you were up against the wall. Everything you seemed to be doing was wrong or failed, and you could never seem to overcome life itself. Whether it was work, a friendship, a project, or even a feeling of regret, depression, or anger, it consumed you. I know we have all been there! I myself have had the internal battles of hurt, regret, guilt, shame, confusion, anger, and anxiety take over my life and just bring me down to my knees. Nothing seems to go right and when you think it is over, something else happens. You get tired of fighting, trying, exerting any energy or whatever you have left, and failing. A sin that you cannot shake! A thought you cannot break! A choice your regretting you make! It all seems pointless and troublesome.  The mountains are too big, the issues keep coming back up, and you can not seem to win. You have lost! You give up! 

Have you been there? I think it is fair to say we all have. So what do we do? Try harder? Keep your head up? Push through? I am sure we all have heard something like this, and I am just as guilty in saying it to others in an effort to help. Reality sinks in when you do those things and nothing helps. Something the Lord has been teaching me, is that it cannot come from my own strength. When I do it alone, most of the time i fail. I would venture to say the same thing for you!

So then what? Over the last week God has shown me more and more that when these storms come up against us, or we get ourselves into a difficult, anxious, ugly mess, that everything will be ok! Think of is this way, if Jesus was willing to go to the ends of the Earth for you and I, how much more would He be willing to come into your situation now, and provide for you. In those times do you want an answer? Do you want him to show you a miracle? Do you want the victory? I tell you this today, in hope that you will reflect in your own time and evaluate it for yourself, but was the cross not enough? 

Whether it be, sin, shame, guilt, hurt, bitterness, stress, anger, anxiety, depression, a hard week, a trial... God wants to be allowed into your circumstances. I know our storms seem to be way bigger than anything we could ever overcome. In Mark, we find the disciples in a similar situation as im sure we all have been before. The storms are too much, God is with us and yet we do not feel him. We doubt that He can be bigger than our external or internal storms and we doubt him. Listen to Jesus' response to those who are so close to Him, even they are doubting.

Mark 4:37-41

New King James Version (NKJV)

³⁷ And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling.³⁸ But He was in the stern, asleep on a pillow. And they awoke Him and said to Him, “Teacher, do You not care that we are perishing?”

³⁹ Then He arose and rebuked the wind, and said to the sea, “Peace, be still!” And the wind ceased and there was a great calm. ⁴⁰ But He said to them, “Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith?”^[a] 41 And they feared exceedingly, and said to one another, “Who can this be, that even the wind and the sea obey Him!”

So you see, even in chaos, Christ still calms the storm. Lets not lose hope, heart, or Peace in our lives, because of the surrounding winds and waves are too big. If he calmed the storms then, i promise He will calm the storms now. May our faith arise, stand in awe of the cross, and receive the peace that Christ came to bring us, so we can always look forward, not back!

Romans 15:13 

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.