Late night encounter

So here I am Lord for the 15^th night it seems. For the last few weeks I have not been able to sleep. You know how hard it is to wake up in the middle of the night every day and not be able to sleep again. WHAT are you telling me or doing? Agravation? Well its working! Im so tired of being tired and not getting sleep. I woke up at 2 am today and have not been able to sleep since. WHY NOT! Do I have a lot on my mind? YES and you know that.  Job, Money, life plan, relationships, past, and even thoughts I shouldn’t have. Now I know you have a sense of humor but this is not funny! Lord here I am, I am not sure what you want to speak to me about but I am all ears. Please stop the bleeding!

In the stillness of the night, my ears turn to you,

My heart beats with fear, what do I do.

My life laid down, wait is it really yours?

Do I do it out of calling, or is it like a chore?

God right now without you I am lost

You gave us your son, never doubting the cost

Yet I cry and weep for what I don’t have

A life without you is empty and sad.

Turn your ear to me O LORD,

Im hear and im waiting, this moment is yours

Give me the words to write and convey,

A message to the lost, in your very own way.

My God and King, I lift my arms to the sky,

I bow at your feet, sometimes empty inside

I know its wrong, to complain and ask

For you to take the hurt, and redeem me of my past

My life is different, why, im not sure,

To write your words on paper, maybe a cure,

For the broken hearted who need to hear,

The truth of your promise, each day of the year,

You died for them and you died for me,

Then life swoops in and I can no longer see

The storms that cloud my visions and heart

Yet your always there, and we are far apart

Patiently waiting on me from above,

Your tears that fall, your unfailing love

No matter what, no matter where,

Nothing I do will ever compare,

To the life you gave, in your precious son

Remind me Father, of what you have done.

Giving us freedom, from past to present

We still second guess, and are filled with tension

The circumstances to hard, the pain is too much

I cry and I beg, and you tell me to hush

What can I say, Lord im easily brokem,

Help me remember your blessings and tokens

Those of hope, and joy and peace

Through the chaos, you never fail to reach.

You stretch out your arms, and pick me up,

When I am completely empty and no water in my cup,

I came to you, that night in the cold,

I said words of truth, my foundations showed

I fell to my knees, asking Why God Why

Out of the tears and pain, I let out a sigh

Only to know, its all up to you

The grace, the burdens, the promise is true,

You were there then, you’re here with me now,

How can I question, and continue to doubt.

My lord give me strength in my time of need,

Speak to my heart, do not let it bleed

From the cuts and bruises from the life I lived

Stop the bleeding now, no more to give,

It hurts to go back, to my faults and my troubles

The mistakes I carry now, the hurt is now doubled

Sticks and stones continue to be thrown,

I stand firm in your presence,, to let the truth be known

Just a little more, I know your worn out,

Close your and breathe, stop beginning to doubt.

A song is coming, im working in your heart

To give you the words, Ill tell you when to start.

Be patient remember, your choices your life

Mistakes will happen, you will be alright

I love you chris, push forward don’t run

My plans for you are many, Im not close to being done.

Ok God, I woke up and I heard you speak to me. As I pray now before I go back to sleep, or try to, I ask that you forgive me for being stupid and my areas of sin. It breaks our relationship and trust me I feel it every time. Help me be the man you have designed. Not of this world but of you! My Lord heal my heart. Open the doors that you wish me to walk and close the doors you do not want open anymore. Give me the strength to stand firm, when trials come my way, open my heart to hear what you have to say.

God I pray as I close my eyes,

 your refreshing spirit comes over my life.

 The sinuses, the soreness, the pains, the tears,

 I pray that you heal me and guide my years.

The past I lay down, for the future ahead,

Giving up now, well I know id be dead.

Redeem, restore, refocus and refresh

My life, my past, my unplanned mess.

Endurance and Hope

Brothers and sisters, I want to encourage you today above anything else.
"For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope." Romans 15:4

Life is full of hardships. You my friends I know have endured a great deal of pain and sadness throughout your life. Including myself, I have been through many family battles, fights with friends, school, and many other things that truly break us down. Life is not said to be a fun ride to the top is it? If so, I have lost the memo. As Paul writes to us in how our instructions to endure hard times and hold on to the hope that God gives us through is word, we can only look back and be thankful for that road we have been on. For those of you who currently dealing with issues of stress, work, relationships, or maybe just nothing is going right, My prayer to you is that you not only find peace in my words, but the truth of Hope and encouragement can be found in something far greater that what i can ever write. My your day be brightened to not only to spread encouragement to others, but to go embrace the Hope, our King has given us!

Today

So on Saturday i was able to set aside my morning to spend it with the Lord and let me tell you did he show up!

I reflected on the week and the trials i encountered from Monday to Friday and really soaked it all in. For me, in order to lay the things down i need to, i have to recount them and truly desire to uncover a accurate depiction of it all. When I was asked how my week was going, conversations such as, "I'm overwhelmed because..., or It has been a rough week..., or is it Friday yet?" All those, which i regret are all negative, actually happened. Though they were honest personal challenges and feelings, life giving they were not. Reflecting on this and sitting in the presence of the God truly is hard, yet is comforting at the same time.

For those who have experienced this feeling understand where i am coming from, for those who haven't, just wait, be patience and you will. There is nothing more rewarding than to reflect and sit before the Lord. His surpassing peace really touched my heart, and even though my week had been rough, it was as if, the trials i faced made me value my escape with Jesus that morning. There i was, sitting in the living room, God and I connecting. PRICELESS!!

The times i spend with God are some of my most precious moments. They stretch beyond the surreal church service, and prayers in the car, to an intimate relationship with someone who loves me more than anything in the world. His arms stretched out, I cry to him and await his response. Tears fall from my eyes as i realize that the week is behind me and i can embrace my struggles, and move on. My accounts of that morning are simply unexplainable. Many times have I sat in the presence of the Lord and been lashing out at him, complaining, judging, doubting, and neglecting every GOOD thing he has done for me.

That morning, all the things culminated into a few key things i needed to work on. Only a short time with God brought out so much in my life as i sought for HIS best. The biggest thing i can thank him for was reminding me of my need for his strength, not my own. The busyness of life had engulfed my fire and passion to lay it all down for HIM and shut me down in all areas. Many things were placed on my shoulders this pass week and i forgot to carry God's yoke and give him mine. But what had this done to me? Why did i just now realize it all?

There is only one way that i fail to see the Big Picture during the week and that is to spend time with him and constantly fight for his presence. From the early morning hours to the evening when the day comes to an end we are called to, pray continually, and meditate on the word day and night. Life, the world, and exhaustion pushed me over the thoughts of spending time with God and hashing things out with him in the moment.

Nothing can be said about tough weeks or times except, PRAISE GOD THAT IT IS OVER, but yet knowing that more will come. It is inevitable we will go through life with trials and sufferings of many kinds. Hard days at work, conflicts between peers and other worldly pressures that are meaningless will set out to destroy your attitude and joy.

When is the last time you looked back at anything to see your faults and struggles, embrace what it is, and step forward for the greater good of the Kingdom of God?